Cabo is off

I would like to scream. I am so stressed out I feel like I have a huge fat man sitting on my chest and he won't move. I feel like I am in some kind of nightmare and I can't wake up. This past week has been a whirl wind. I only had ONE really crazy cry (right after I got the email from my wedding coordinator that everything was canceled). The rest of this past week has been me freaking out. This wedding that I have planned for the last year was over in an email. This wedding, as most already know, has been very very difficult to plan. I was so excited that the planning was coming to an end I could enjoy all the nightmarish planning and be married to my love. Nope, someone else had different plans for me. It just isn't fair. My dream wedding is over. Everyone keeps telling me that "it's okay, at least you still get to get married," and "whatever ends up happening will be just as beautiful." Ugh. I know, I am so lucky I still get to marry the man of my dreams and whatever the heck we end up doing will be just fine...but it doesn't make any of this better. Maybe I am just being a huge brat. That isn't something new.

The hotel is being okay with canceling so far, but I haven't seen any cancellation numbers. My wedding coordinator has been great. The photographer won't give us back the HUGE deposit we gave him. The hair person is keeping the $200 deposit I gave her and the kicker: the airlines are being assholes. Mexicana airlines is the worst. They are charging us $100 each ticket to change (x 10 flights with them) AND we can't transfer the names. So, bacically we are screwed. We have to keep the tickets and have to spend another $1,000 just to make changes. Contintental is being ok. We can't get a refund, but they are waiving the fees to make changes. Oh well. Orbit and American Airlines are on my list of calls, but I have a feeling it will be the same crap.

We were talking about going to Vegas, but I can honestly say that right now...I am over it. I don't want a wedding anymore. I just want to be married, I want everything canceled and I don't want to worry about any of it anymore. I never thought I would say that. I just want to be married already. No more stress. I can't take it anymore. It's not worth it anymore. I know, one day I will probably regret not having a wedding, but maybe on our 5 year anniversary we can have a renewal or something. Sounds good to me.

I feel like crying.

I hate those moments

when you feel stupid for not doing something you didn't know you were supposed to be doing. Does that even make sense? Ugh. Those moments truly piss me off. Oh well. I need to just get over it.

Alex and I had a nice night last night. We went to the lovely Midland Park Mall and checked their two jewerly stores in search for a wedding band that matches my ring. This is proving to be so difficult. I can't find anything. Granted, yes, I am picky, but I refuse to settle on something that I don't like...just to have a wedding band. I had found one that I was in love with in Lubbock about a year ago, but have since to find it (or even remember what the damn thing looks like). We are going to Dallas this weekend, so HOPEFULLY I will be able to find something. I am also very excited to go to a "real" mall. Ya!

Alex is unaware that I am going to bring an extra bag with us. He hates when I have to check baggage for such a short trip (really...we are only going for one night). I don't plan on checking anything on my way there, but on our way back...I will have to. His mom got me $100 gift card to the world's best store SEPHORA. There is no way I can fit what I plan to purchase in a small quart size bag. MMM...no. Ain't going to happen. I don't plan on telling him this until we get there because I really don't want to hear the wrath of Alex when he finds out. hehe. When we are there, and in shopping mode, he won't have a chance to get too mad.

Now I will sit here and hope that I don't have any more of those "I feel stupid" moments and pray that this week goes a little faster.