Where has time gone?

It's been a really really long time since I've posted anything on this blog. It actually took me a really long time just to find it! Good grief!

A lot has happened...a lot...

My mom passed away on December 5th, 2014. As I type that it still doesn't seem real. Saying it...typing it...I just can't wrap my brain around it. It happened so fast. I got the call on December 4th. It was a Thursday and my kids were both at school. I had a dentist appointment that day for a cleaning and then I decided to get my nails done, talk about the best day ever! Then I went to HEB over in Westlake and was really enjoying my day to myself (I don't seem to do this enough). I was in my car on the way home when my phone rang. I saw "Robert Mom" and didn't think too much of it because my mom would sometimes call from his phone. When I heard his voice on the other end I knew, I knew something was wrong. I don't know why, but I just did. He told me that she was in the hospital for her appendix and that the doctor told him to call me. He was extremely vague and was certain that my mom was just fine, but that I should know she was there. Now, part of me REALLY wanted to believe him, but I knew better for some reason. I called Alex as soon as I hung up and lost it, i seriously shouldn't have been driving because I couldn't see the road. He thankfully talked me down and tried to reassure me that everything was just fine and I was able to make it home through blurry eyes.

I was supposed to just sit back and wait for Robert to call me with an update. UM, no. I am THE most impatient person on the planet and there was no way I was just waiting for someone to call me, so I called the hospital and they directed me to ICU. Wait...WHAT? I didn't know she was in ICU, Robert failed to mention that part, but I also didn't know that my whole world was about to come crashing down. The nurse I spoke with told me that I needed to come as soon as possible and to call all of our family members. I don't remember much else. I hit the driveway and started to scream and cry not caring who saw or heard me. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think clearly.  I called Alex and he thankfully came right home. I remember waiting on the stairs as he pulled his car into the driveway, I couldn't move or talk. I went into panic mode. I got on the phone with Jet Blue and had a plane ticket that would get me there around 6:30pm. That poor attendant on the other end of the phone.

I finally got in touch with Adrienne (my litter sister) at the Airport and that didn't go well. I remember being in a daze the whole time. My brain felt like mush. I was so anxious to get there and see my mom and waiting, sitting, doing nothing didn't feel right. I wanted to hold her hand. Be next to her and know that all was going to be ok. Everything would be ok, right?!

The flight took forever - an eternity. Alex's little brother, Jeff, picked me up and was late due to horrible traffic. We got to sit in that lovely traffic for a few hours, again, with the sitting and waiting!! It was a nightmare. I was so anxious to get to the hospital! We pulled up to the front and I saw Robert with his brother and sister by his truck. I am thankful to have had them by my side because I didn't know what I was walking into....

The moment I made it into her room...my heart ached, literally. She was in so much pain. Her back was giving her a hard time and she couldn't get comfortable. She was tied down to the bed with a tube down her throat to help her breathe. It was such a horrible sight to see. One that I wish would leave my mind. I'm not sure why I am doing this to myself....writing this out...maybe I think it will help a little? Help heal in a way?

She wasn't very coherent. She knew I was there as I told her I talked to Adrienne and she mouthed "thank you." She tried to talk a lot, but couldn't because of that damn tube. I wish I could have heard her one last time. We had spoken on the phone Wednesday night about how worried she was about my little sister when one of our phones cut out and neither of us called each other back. I just figured I would call her the next day once I had some news about Adrienne...why didn't I just call her back and tell her I love her one last time?

The following day and a half seemed to be a bit of a fog. I spent as much time as I could next to her bed. I didn't know I only had less than a day left with her here. Had I known, I would have never left. I would have stayed by her side the entire time talking to her. I was afraid to talk because I didn't want to disturb her. Getting her comfortable was the main concern, but, had I known...I would have talked. Just told her how much she meant to me. I never got the chance...

That evening (Thursday), Robert and his family went home. No one really knew that this was it, so they went home to try and get some rest. I was left alone which was rather difficult. My uncle Jack (my dads oldest brother) came to visit at some point during the day which was very sweet. We sat with my mom and caught up. I think my mom knew he was there, but she was out of it thanks to the pain medication.

My sweet friend from high school came and visited for a long time that evening. We sat in the waiting room and chatted for a long time which I am externally grateful for. At some point the nurse came in and told me she wasn't sure my mom was going to make it through the night. I didn't like that nurse much. I know they have to shoot it to us straight, but she was just a bitch. Callused, if you will, likely coming from the nature of her job. I called Robert and told them they should come back. Once they got there we all sat and cried...visited...cried and did what we could to come to terms that my mom wasn't doing well.

I was able to get a few hours of sleep on the couch in the main lobby. I wouldn't quite call it a couch, but rather a hard and tiny little chair. I managed though because I was EXHAUSTED! The 17 cups of coffee weren't helping anymore.

My mom made it through the night. This was amazing news. She was FIGHTING. Boy, was she ever. I honestly thought that she had a good chance...maybe she would walk away from this. At this point we knew that her appendix was almost two times the size it should have been. It leaked, which gave her septic shock. Her body was having a hard time fighting the infection because of the treatments they were giving her for her back. She was what they called, "immune deficit." BUT...she was fighting!! My mom was the STRONGEST woman I've ever met and I wasn't the only person that would say that. She was a fighter. Always had been. She could beat this.

Around 8am, Friday morning, we got the news...it wasn't just appendicitis. It was cancer. There was a large growth attached to the top of her appendix which they had it tested and it was cancer. CANCER!? Are you kidding me? WHY?????????????????????? I remember calling Robert to come back to the hospital because I had news. When I saw him round the corner, I fell to the floor, my legs felt like jello. I knew this was it. I knew this was the end....

I remember sitting with my mom that day and I noticed that she wasn't producing any urine. That was a horrible sign because it meant that she was in renal failure. She was nearing the end. I didn't know what the end was going to look like. Would her heart just stop? How do I know? They had a really hard time getting blood from her. She has no veins...no pumping blood. They seriously sat there and stuck the crap out of her attempting to get blood to test the levels of the infection, but their faces were grim. They knew it was close, but no one said anything. They kept trying to get me to sign a form saying they won't resuscitate if she passes. Um, me? Why is this put into MY hands?! I just couldn't do it. I couldn't. They asked and asked and I just kept putting them off thinking MAYBE we had more time. MAYBE she would get through this. I mean, people survive septic shock and renal failure. It's been done, I know because I sat on Google and researched the heck out of it. Knowing how much of a fighter my mom was, I knew that she STILL HAD A DAMN CHANCE!

At one point during the day Robert and I were standing over her when she woke up. Her eyes were glazed over and I knew she couldn't really see me. I've never seen her look like that before. She was really puffy because all of the fluids they had to give her and since her kidneys weren't flushing anything out, well, she puffed up. Robert has asked if anyone told her what was going on? I'll never forget the look on her face as she shook her head no. We asked her if she wanted to know and she nodded with her eyes really wide, like...c'mon! When we told her it was cancer I saw the fight leave, right there, right that very moment. She hit the bed and was extremely upset and I'm pretty sure she mouthed the word, "fuck!" She was done....

An hour and a half later we were standing at the end of her bed together. Looking at my sweet mom laying there was horrible. To pass the time while in the hospital, I had kept an eye on all her vital signs. Something I did with my dad as well. Her heart rate was rather high the whole time I was there, which sent an alarm to the nurses station quite often. I remember looking up and seeing her HR under 100! It was 99 for the first time since she has been here. I was thinking this was a great sign. Maybe she was relaxing a little bit and would be able to rest better and fight off this damn infection. In that same second I had that thought, I looked back up and it was 88. Then I looked out the door and they were getting the crash cart..."just a precaution..." they said. All I could say was "oh shit." I knew. In that next second everyone came running in and it dropped to 66....the nurse was asking if she should call it? Call what??? Then...she flat lined...and they rushed us out of there. The last thing I saw was them rolling her on her side to get her on the crash board. She was gone...I knew it.

I remember screaming...I hit the floor...and that's as much as I remember. I kept saying noooo. I want my mommy. I just wanted my mommy. Why GOD would he take her? I'm too young to have her leave me. We were becoming SO close. She was supposed to come visit us in Texas 10 days later. As I knelt on the hard and cold hospital floor right outside of the ICU, all I could do was cry. No. No. That wasn't crying, that was weeping with sheer and utter pain from the depth of my soul. I was surrounded by people...but I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want anyone telling me that "it was going to be ok." BULLSHIT! NO. It's not going to be ok. Eventually the doctor came in and begged me to tell him to stop. Stop what? They were still trying to bring her back because I failed to sign that damn paper. They broke a few ribs apparently and she obviously wasn't going to come back. I looked at him...and yelled at him to STOP!!

I wanted to see her. I wanted to see her now. I wanted to hold her hand and caress her hair and see her lifeless body laying there in the bed. What the HELL is wrong with me? So, me and Robert went in there. Wow. No more machines. No more alarms telling them that her heart rate was too fast, just silence. My mom was gone.

Here's the messed up part. After a little bit, everyone left. Yep. I was left alone at the hospital with my dead mom. I had to pick a funeral home to come and get her and had a little help with that, but then everyone seriously left me alone. I don't know how long people were there and I know they had to leave because what the hell else is there to do?? So, I sat in my moms room with her until the funeral home which turned into hours. I watched my mom turn blue, well, more grey, but it was weird. She turned really hard. I held her hand and caressed her hair. I told her over and over how much I love her.

They funeral home got there at some point. They made me leave the room as they got her all situated to be taken away, but I was reluctant. I don't know why, but I didn't want to leave her alone. It was a really weird feeling. I stood outside the door of the ICU for the last time as they "prepared" her, whatever that meant. It took what felt like forever. Then, the door opened and the black bad on the stretcher came out. This is it. I walked behind them as they approached a "back entrance" that I wasn't allowed in and awkwardly said "bye" for the last time. Now what? I had no car. I had no one. Talk about feeling completely and utterly alone. I sat, freezing, on the curb as the piece of shit van drove off with my mom.

I had some time before Adrienne got there. Oh, yea...that...my poor little sister didn't know she was gone yet. I waited. And waited. Rick and Brandon got there at some point as did my Aunt Donna. Conversation happened that I can't remember. Then I saw the shuttle. Shit. It's time for me to tell her that our mom is gone. I wanted to vomit. I went out to meet her and that smile on her face is something I will NEVER forget. She said, "I MADE IT!!" I think she could see the look in my eyes because all I had to do was shake my head "no" when she collapsed on the floor and sobbed. I was numb at this point. I had to be her rock, so I just crouched on the ground with her and held her as she screamed for our mommy.

Fast forward....Ashley came, Alex got there, funeral plans were made, stuff was done, clothes were picked out....all so much of a blur.

I miss her. God, I miss her. I miss her laugh, her voicemails, her love for me and my family. She loved her "babies."

She leaves me signs, but it's not enough. The ONLY thing, ONLY thing, getting me through this pain is that she isn't in any anymore. She doesn't have to hurt anymore and she can be with my dad.

I love you mom...

Life....

Life is good. I hate saying that because I fear something or someone is going to take it all away. Sad huh? That's how I've always been. I'm always afraid to admit that life is good and as it should be. I hear the news and someone, somewhere is hurting. I can't stop thinking about the poor parents of the children that were lost in the Connecticut shooting. It hurts my heart. Life can change in the blink of an eye. We just lost someone really dear to us. Alex's mom's husband passed away on December 18th. He passed away from a massive heart attack. Jacob LOVED his Papa so much. Thankfully they were just here the month before, so he had a chance to see him before the Lord called him home. It was really weird because that day and up until his body was laid to rest, Jacob was talking about Papa A LOT. He was seeing him. He was saying, "HI PAPA!!" and then he would point to the wall. He did this a few times. Thankfully I wasn't the only one that saw it, or I would have thought I was either sleep deprived or losing it (which I am pretty sure I am anyways). It was pretty surreal and creepy all at the same time. After he had his funeral, he stopped talking about him. One of the times he was on his bed crying for him. He loved him. We all loved him. He was a very sweet man. He was a man of very few words. He would light up around Jacob. I never saw him smile as much as I did when he was around my little boy. Memories we will never forget.

Charlotte is amazing. She is such a good baby. She's a little high maintenance at times, but she's really not that bad. She just LOVES to nurse ALL THE TIME, which is the way Jacob was as well. She seems to want to nurse and then she wants to nurse again to sleep. Very tiring, but it's worth it. As of Christmas, she starting to find her voice. It's such a SWEET sound! Her whole face lights up as she smiles and then she will work herself up to make a noise. Her eyes sparkle, it's pretty amazing. I forgot about all of this. It's getting better and better. Having two kids is not easy, but it's getting manageable. There were moments (there still are), where I don't think I can do it. I know as she gets older, it will get that much easier. Well, that's what people seem to tell me at least.

We've been co-sleeping. I said I would never do it, but it's really the only way I'm getting a full night of sleep.  Well, not really a full night of sleep, more sleep than I would be. She nurses while I sleep. haha. We need to stop that soon though. I really don't want her to get used to it. I think she already is, but I enjoy it just as much as she does. Knowing that this is the last kid, makes me want to hold onto this as much as I possibly can. It makes me sad that this is the last time I will have a newborn! I couldn't imagine myself with three kids though. This isn't easy. I need to remind myself that.

Jacob is such a good boy. He is fully potty trained. He hasn't had a night time accident in a long time. I think we will stop using pull ups as soon as this pack is done. Having only one kid in diapers is a joy. He is talking a lot more too. It makes communicating so much easier. We were having a really hard time at one point. We were both so frustrated. He does amazing in his big boy bed. We recently starting having some issues with him getting out of bed at night. Over and over and over again. He seems to always want a specific toy. Once he gets that toy he wants another one and then he wants water with ice. It's pretty cute, but also really annoying after the 50th time and I'm trying to nurse Charlotte.

He still has issues with food. He won't try anything new and he seems to only want oatmeal. He will eat it ALL DAY and he pretty much does. I tried to give him pedisure, but he won't drink it. He will eat eggs on occasion and fish sticks sometimes, but that is really it. He still loves his carbs though. He will typically eat most bread and toast. I hate it. I wish he would eat a well rounded meal because I think I would feel so much better. He will sometimes eat pizza too, that's healthy, right? Calcium? ha!

35 Weeks and a Potty Trained Son!

I cannot believe I'm already 35 weeks! How in the world did that happen? I felt like I was pregnant with Jacob forever. This time, not so much. I guess I'm just so busy with Jacob that I haven't had every single second to think about being pregnant. I was obsessed when I was pregnant with him. It was ALL about being pregnant. haha. I look back and think about how foolish I was. My, how things have changed. I'm not as nervous and anxious as I was with him. I'm much more calm and have an idea of what I have coming. Of course, it's going to be a lot different, but I feel like it's something we can do. It will take a lot of adjustment on all of our parts, but I know we will get there eventually. We won't have to You Tube how to give a newborn a bath. hahahaha! Oh yea, we so did that. Both of our mothers were here and just laughed and watched us. I can't believe how hard that must have been on them to just watch.

I am SO uncomfortable, but I hate complaining. I'm blessed that I've made it this far with a healthy little girl. We had a little scare with her heart. They couldn't find the fourth chamber and worried that there could have been a hole. Well after seeing the specialist we found that there are no holes (praise Jesus!), but they couldn't find the aortic arch. The doctor wasn't too concerned though. We go back this week to try and find it. I have a feeling all is ok and it's just because of her position. She's been in the same spot since I was 20 weeks. She's not budging.

Jacob is FULLY potty trained. It is GLORIOUS! He hasn't had an accident in about 2 1/2 weeks now. We even drove 5 1/2 hours to San Antonio and went to Sea World and we had no accidents! We pulled over and he used the potty in the car (even went poo poo, haha). He was such a trooper. He has napped the last two days in his underwear and he's doing great. I'm not ready to stop the pull ups at night, but we will get there. 99.9% of the time he wakes up dry. He pretty much trained himself. I was SO easy. I admit, there were a few tough days (about a week). We had a lot of accidents, but one day, he just got it. I think because I got a little upset and he hates to disappointing us, so he just stopped having accidents. That was it! He's such an amazing little boy. He amazes me more and more each day. He is so sweet. If I get hurt (or anyone for that matter), he instantly asks if I'm ok. He gives kisses and always tells us he loves us.

He started Mother's Day Out two days a week this Fall. He goes Tuesday and Thursday and LOVES it. They really helped a lot with potty training. I was really worried about sending him in underwear, but they were saints and helped a TON.

We found out a few weeks ago that we may (more than likely) be moving to Austin next year. We aren't sure about when, but it's pretty evident that it's going to happen. I have mixed feelings about it. I love our friends and life here. Things have been great. We fixed up the house and made it how we like it. On the other end, I'm excited to get the heck out of Midland. This place is awful (other than the people of course). There isn't much to do at all. I know that we will have a lot more to do and a lot more opportunities for the kids in Austin. We will see what happens and when.

I had my baby shower this past Saturday. It was amazing. Leslie, Jenny and Ashley really out did themselves. I was a crying mess nearly the entire time. I was and am just so grateful for them and all they did (and continue to) do for me. I am blessed beyond belief to have them in my life. We received a ton of cute things. I can't wait for her room to be done. It's VERY pink.

Pics to come soon. :0)

Charlotte Marie!

I picked a name! My daughter will be Charlotte Marie! I am soooooo happy I finally made a decision. I love love love it and can't wait to meet her!

Big Boy Bed!

My sweet little baby boy really isn't a baby anymore! He now sleeps in a big boy bed (a full size to be exact). It was so weird to walk into the house after being at a friends house for the afternoon to his room completely different!! We had planned on changing his crib over the weekend of the 18th - but was totally shocked with Alex surprised us and had it done on the 17th! I almost cried. His room looked and felt so different. I didn't like it at first. I wanted the crib back and I wanted my little boy to be a baby again! I felt like I just brought him home into that sweet nursery and now it looked like a totally different place.

He loved it instantly. He loved his crib, so we were a little worried as to how he would take the transition, but he always amazes us. He did (and has done) amazing in the last week. We've only had to go back into his room about 3 or 4 times to tell him to lay back down, but he never gets out and plays. He loves it! When his friends come over he runs into his room and jumps on his bed to show them. He's pretty proud and so are we!

We decided to go with a vintage airplane theme for his "big boy room" because of the painting in our house that he's loved since the day he came home from the hospital. It used to calm him when he was crying, so we knew very early on that we wanted to go with that theme when it was time. We just didn't think it would be here so soon. We are adding the decorating touches slowly, but it's really coming along and we don't have much more to do. It's fun.

Now it's time to work on his sister's room! We started getting things slowly and the furniture actually came in last weekend, but we aren't quite ready for it. We still need to get the carpets stretched and cleaned and then we need to finish the crown molding and paint. The carpet guys come on the 31st and then we should be able to knock the paint out in that same weekend (I'm hoping). I can't wait to start setting things up. It's really hard to believe I'm going to be 30 weeks pregnant this Sunday. Where has this pregnancy gone?! We have yet to decide on a name. I'm having the worst time with it. I love both Madelyn and Charlotte equally. I don't know how to choose, so I decided I needed to wait until I see her sweet face. Jacob was so easy...we both just KNEW. Alex likes Madelyn better, but I just don't know.

We are planning our last little trip before she comes. We are going to San Antonio to Sea World! The Robert's will be joining us and the boys will have a BLAST! We are going September 21-23 and then the following weekend is my baby shower! Fun fun fun!

In other news, we decided to revamp our house. We just had the living room, dining room, kitchen and laundry room painted. It looks AMAZING! We were so sick of the blue/grey color. We hated it when we moved in, we just didn't think we would be here as long as we have. It really changed the house. We ordered new furniture from Carter's, which should get here in about 10 weeks. The carpets are getting cleaned and stretched. New decor. It's exciting and so much fun. We really wanted a bigger house with just one more room, but the housing market is insane right now. After we learned that we wouldn't be building our house (they wanted $156 a sq. ft!!!!), we started looking into buying something else, but it was all too much. I'm really glad we decided to stay where we are. Even though a bigger house with more room would have been so nice, I feel like we made the right decision for our family. We aren't going to lose out on a bunch of money if the market crashes.

Here's the crib we decided to go with! Yay!

More pics to come soon.....

26 weeks (tomorrow) and a TWO year old!

I'll be 26 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I honestly can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! I'm a little scared actually. I had my glucose test this past Thursday and all went ok. I guess I am anemic, but I do not have gestational diabetes! That's really good news. I didn't think I did because I didn't with Jacob, but I was still worried. Just need to take extra iron and go from there. All seems to be going well with this pregnancy now. I don't feel sick anymore and sleep seems to be ok (of course now that I said that, I am sure it will change). She is VERY active though. Jacob wasn't nearly this active. She's a light sleeper too. She seems to wake up even when I sneeze. Jacob wasn't like that at all! He was tough to wake up (he still is). I'm hoping that doesn't mean trouble!

I am stuck on her name. We are 99.9% positive we are going with Madelyn Nicole, but I LOVE the name Charlotte too. I don't know what I want to do. I think we may wait until she gets here to decide. I do keep calling her Madelyn though. I have a feeling we may be going that route. :)

Jacob turned TWO on July 9th and I can't believe it. Feels like just yesterday that he came home from the hospital. Everyone told us it went fast, I just didn't believe them. I hear it only gets worse too which makes me pretty sad. I need to enjoy every single second with these kiddos.

We had a big birthday party for him here in Midland before we left for California. It was so amazing. We had it at Flippenbounce and the kids LOVED it. It was a little warm since it was only 150 degrees out (ick). It worked out great though. So many of his friends came and everyone played for the 2 hours that we had the place. We did Superhero theme because Jacob is currently obsessed with everything superhero. It's adorable and of course daddy is pretty excited about it since he was (and still is) a big fan too. Right now his favorite ones are Iron Man (his #1 fav), Hulk and Spiderman. He sleeps with all three (and Woody too of course). We made all the kids capes, which was probably a little over kill on my part, but that's me. Thankfully Tawylia and Alex helped a ton or I would have NEVER been able to get them done. Tawylia did most of it all. God BLESS that woman. I lucked out in the Mother-in-law department, that's for sure. The kids didn't wear them much, but hopefully they will.

The paci (Jacob's love) is slowly going away. We have managed to get it down to only nap and bedtime now. He's okay with it, kinda. Night time is going to be a hard one. He will wake up sometimes crying for it. :( I don't have the heart to take it away just yet. I'm not so worried about it at night as I was with it ALL the dang time. It was getting a little much. He had it in his mouth 24/7 and I couldn't stand it.

He is currently off ALL medications!!! We took him off the reflux meds about a week or so before California and he's been PERFECT! He's even eating cheese, yogurt and even drinking some milk! I think it's safe to say he's grown out of all of his ailments. I am hoping and praying that this baby girl in my belly doesn't have any of those same problems!!

His second birthday on the beach! 

One of his favorite things! The swing in Laguna Beach. We would go on a morning walk almost every day and he got to play!  

 My life.

 My little stud on the 4th of July

 Baby GIRL at 22 1/2 weeks

 The boys cruising the boardwalk in Laguna. 

 Jacob's cake and cupcakes by our neighbor Joie! 

 He's so great on the plane! 

Pee in the POTTY! Pee pee in the POTTY!

Well, Jacob went pee pee in the POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, let's get to how that actually came to be....

Alex's mom (Gigi AKA my amazing mother in law) is in town for 2 weeks. She said that she could get Jacob potty trained. I laughed at first. No, really laughed and told her he is NOT ready. He wasn't showing any signs yet, but after a bit I decided I would run with her idea and let her try. I gave it all to her and put it in her hands. She's done it 4 times before, I'm sure the 5th would work. My only problem was the fact that we were leaving for California for 2 weeks just a few days after the initial potty training would begin. Hmm...the plane, Disneyland, Sea World, long car rides? Just didn't seem like a good idea, but I was still willing to give it a try.

Wednesday morning, June 27th came and I was READY! Let's DO THIS! We brought the potty out into the living room and put it in the dining room next to his play area. He ate breakfast first and then we put his big boy pants on. He was less than thrilled about them. He HATED them! Finally, after a little bit of getting his mind of of them, he was ok. We had an accident and then rushed him to the potty where he sat for awhile and nothing. Alex came up with a great idea to put his show on and put the potty in front of the TV. Ok. Why not? We sat there for 2 and a half hours. YES. 2 1/2 hours!!!!! His poor bottom had a nice red ring around it. hahahahahaha. We fed him SO much juice, water, milk and begged and pleaded with him to go. We both needed to use the restroom ourselves and were a bit cramped from sitting on the floor. BUT....right at 12:40 p.m. he went. He did it. BUT....mommy scared the living day lights out of him and he stopped mid stream. I THOUGHT he was finished because there was a good amount in there, so we celebrated and he got his Iron Man light up toy. We put his big boy pants on, called daddy, celebrated more, tried to give him candy (he wouldn't eat it?), and then we had an accident. Ok, not so bad, he said "oh no." So he knew it wasn't a good thing. Then when daddy got home, we went into the bathroom and put the pee pee in the potty, flushed and washed his hands (he loves that part). Then, another accident. This time it was a BIG one. It was okay though, I scared the shat out of him...he didn't understand yet. We put a diaper on him and put him down for his nap...

After nap I asked him if he wanted to go potty and he wasn't as excited about it as he had been. I put his big boy pants on, again, not so happy, but since he woke up with a super full and warm diaper, I knew he should be okay. We figured we would let him play for about an hour and a half, since last time it took 2 1/2 hours before he went (ah!). He was playing on the dining room chair when I saw he started to go. I rushed him over to the potty to finish. We sat for about 45 minutes on the potty in front of the TV. It wasn't too bad this time. He started a little (I kept my big mouth shut) and then stopped because he looked a little confused. Then about 5-10 minutes later he went! Oh boy did he go! We had a huge celebration again and he got a new Hulk toy (he is obsessed!!). He had one small accident after that, which really shocked me because he literally peed his brains out the time before! I was getting a little discouraged, but only because I was getting worried for the next two weeks while we were in California.

After talking about it, we decided we would wait until we got back from our trip, which is MUCH better and made me feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. I am SO proud of him though!! He's such a big boy!!

In other (semi-related news), he's losing the paci! He says it's "caca" great word, huh? It's working, so I don't really care. He stopped using it 24-7 and only uses it at night and nap time, which we plan on cutting when we get back from California. I don't think it will be as bad as I thought! Yay!! He's growing up too fast!!!!!!!!!!!

21 Weeks Already?!

I honestly can't believe I'm 21 weeks today. I'm not sure where the time is going, but it really needs to slow down. I felt like Jacob's pregnancy took FOREVER! This one, not so much. By this time in my pregnancy with Jacob we had the furniture ordered. We started looking at a few sets, but the one I want is WAY too expensive. $3,000 for the set. HA! Not going to happen. So, I will keep looking until I find the right one.

Alex's mom is here right now, so that's been nice. She's been a real help with baby stuff and Jacob's birthday stuff. Last night we made the Superhero suckers, cupcake toppers, rolled the napkins and plastic wear, and got his birthday banner ready. We are working on the capes tonight for him and all of his little friends. I am so excited!

We got back from Vegas last Monday afternoon. It was an interesting trip to say the least. It's always nice to get out of Midland (I don't care where the heck we go as long as it's away from here). Vegas with a toddler AND pregnant is a whole other experience. Jacob woke at about 5:30-6 every morning and would go to bed around 7-7:30. Of course there is a nap in the middle somewhere. He was an amazing sleeper, as always. BUT, he wasn't feeling 100% and he showed us. His ears were still bothering him. When we left, the right one was pussing, but when we got there the left started. He was pretty cranky part of the trip. He was still amazing, but not very happy all the time like he usually is. We think it might be his molars coming in, which would make a lot of sense. He went swimming with his Daddy for the very first time and loved it! Uncle Jeff was there too and Gido sat in the shade and watched. We went to the Lied Kids Discovery Museum on Saturday morning. He LOVED it! Mostly, we just walked around and hung out. Kelli and Matt came and we got to see them a little which was so nice! We went and ate at PF Changs and Jacob was such a good boy. He made us proud.

I think we are building a house here in lovely Midland (bleh). I'm happy about the house because it's going to be AMAZING, just not so happy about it being in Midland. I've come to tolerate this place a lot better now that I have great friends with kids the same age as Jacob. It really really helps. It was really tough when I didn't have any mommy friends. The first 7-8 months of Jacob's life was like that. We didn't do much, but it was still amazing, because we had so much alone time. I wish I could have that with this sweet baby girl in my belly. We think her name is going to be Madelyn Nicole. Pretty positive. It just sounds perfect. The only reason I am hesitant is because our friend Lindsey has a daughter named Madilyn. Spelled different, but still. When I first met her, I told her that if I ever had a girl I would be stealing her name. I never thought that would actually happen! I'm still in shock that I get my little girl. I can't be more excited about all the PINK that's about to happen in our life. ha!

Most of my horrible pregnancy symptoms are gone, THANK GOODNESS. I was having a rough time at the beginning. I don't want to forget it either and think I want another baby later on either. NO MORE! This is IT! I couldn't imagine doing this with TWO kids. Having to chase Jacob around is enough. It seemed that after I got off the nasty progesterone and started my thyroid meds things got better. I had a bad time with indigestion for a bit, but that has eased up a little too. The second tri is always amazing. I know it's going to get a lot more difficult in a few weeks here.

We are going to California in a week!! We leave the 2nd of July and get back on the 16th. We planned a longer trip this year since we won't be going back for Christmas. Baby girl will be way too little, so we will be staying home this year. It will be kinda nice because we will get to wake up here on Christmas morning. I can't tell you the last time that happened! I very much look forward to putting out cookies for Santa! I think Jacob will enjoy Christmas so much more this year.

A little of this and that

Well, we found out on May 23rd that we are having a little GIRL! I knew it. The morning of the sonogram, I took Jacob to Mother's Day Out and then stopped at Target and bought a "Little Sister" outfit. I stood there and looked at the "Little Brother" one for a minute, but I KNEW it was a girl, so I checked out and hit it in the bottom of my purse. We sat in anticipation in the waiting room, and for some reason, I was really nervous! I was so anxious to know. It is beyond me how people wait 40 weeks! I had a hard time making it to 16 weeks! The moment of truth came when the sonographer said, "do you see that?" I shouted "THERE'S NOTHING THERE!!!" I was referring to the between the legs shot. HA!! Yep, I got my little girl. Before I got pregnant, I wanted a little boy because I thought I was meant to be an all boy mom. Then when I got pregnant, I knew it was a girl. I just had this feeling inside me and I was RIGHT! We are beyond excited. I couldn't stop crying after she told us. She had to stop for a second because my belly was moving too much from crying! It was such a sweet and special moment. Alex is terrified. He is SO excited, but so nervous of the "unknown" if you will. Just wait though, this little girl is going to be daddy's little princess. I have NO doubt in my mind. We went to lunch at one of our fav places here (Abuelo's) and called the family on the way. Everyone was beyond excited for us. Of course afterwards we had to buy a few pink outfits and headed to Khol's. :)

Sadly, when I went to get Jacob from school he was really sick with a high fever, so the excitement ended there. We were going to spend the evening celebrating with a few friends, but our poor baby boy was sick! It broke my heart to see him so sick. The doctor said it was just a virus and we had to wait it out. His fever got up to 103, which scared us, but by morning he was so much better! The fever was gone and he was somewhat back to his old self. Well, not completely. He is JUST now getting back to his old self. After that happened he caught a cold and then a semi ear infection AND his two top molars are coming in. Poor baby! Needless to say, it's been a rough 3 weeks. I knew he didn't feel well because he wasn't his same happy self. He was very whiny. Not like him at all. I didn't know if it was the age, or because he didn't feel well. He's always been the sweetest little boy and I knew he couldn't have changed over night! Yesterday was the first day he was almost 100% himself. It was so nice to see.

I can't believe he's going to be 2 in LESS than a month!! We are having a birthday party for him here in Midland at a place called Flippenbounce. He is going to LOVE it!! It's superhero theme because that's what he's OBSESSED with right now. He loves Iron Man the best right now and will ask to watch it ALL day. He has a little Iron Man toy that he got from Target that he's obsessed with. It's adorable. It was Toy Story for awhile there, but we quickly moved on from that phase. He still enjoys Woody and Buzz, but not like his Iron Man.

More to come...he's up and we leave for Vegas today! Time to get us ready!

Life

Things are still looking great with this pregnancy. Betas are going up like they should be (or a little faster than normal). They were 144 on Monday and then on Wednesday they went up to 429. So that's a really good thing. I had a dream we were having twins last night. It was so vivid that when I woke up I was convinced it was real. We had two eggs that were ready to go at the same time, but I'm almost positive it isn't twins. We will find out soon enough though. I believe I will have our first ultrasound on March 13. Seems like so long to wait. I'm Mrs. Impatient!

Jacob is amazing. I can't believe how much I love that kid. He says, "one more" and holds up one finger. It's adorable. We finally got it on video. He's trying to talk so much more lately, but it's just jibberish for the most part, but he's trying. I think the tubes have really helped him with his speech (NOW that he can HEAR us!!). He's eating a lot better too, which is such a blessing. We were really worried about our baby. After the scopes in December, we were pleased it wasn't something serious. Now, I honestly think he wasn't eating because his ears hurt him all the time. He's still on stomach meds. I've only been giving them to him at night though and he seems to be doing ok. I need to take him to an allergist though because I still think he has issues with milk and possibly eggs? It's not horrible, but he gets dry skin and a little rash all over his poor little body. The rash doesn't seem to upset him or bother him at all though. It's so weird.

The idea of moving to Dallas recently came back up again. Of course this happened right after we decided to build a house here. We are currently put on hold until we figure out what we are doing. I don't want to leave now! I finally love our life here. I have amazing friends. I love our church. Jacob has amazing friends. It just works right now and I hate to change that. We have to do what we have to do though. We should know in the next month or two as to what the plans will be. If we don't move, the new house we plan to build won't be ready by the time this new baby gets here though. That kinda sucks, but we will make whatever work. I sound spoiled!

Little man is getting up and I need to fix his oatmeal. :) He loves his oatmeal in the morning!

I'm PREGNANT!

Well, the first round of clomid worked for us again. It's still really early (because you know I was peeing on a stick the minute I ovulated...hahahaha). I found out on Thursday, February 23 around lunch time. I had tested that morning with a dollar store cheapie and didn't see anything really. Right away an indent showed up (exactly like it did with Jacob), but there wasn't any color to it, I I figured it was an evap line. I had been getting A LOT of them, but I didn't think it meant anything. Well, after we got home from bible study (we are studying the book of James and wow), I was feeling like I was pregnant. I just knew it! I saw the test from the morning and it had a very visible pink line. It was really faint, but it was there. I knew I couldn't count it though because it was way after 10 minutes. So, I took another cheapie and got the same indent. THEN, I took a more expensive test and the line showed up RIGHT AWAY! It was super faint, but it was there. No mistaking it AT ALL. I was shaking, I was SO EXCITED. I knew it. I was starting to second guess myself because I had a little spotting the night before after intercourse. I was sure AF was about to show up.

I wanted to tell Alex, but I didn't want to tell him over the phone AND Jacob was still napping. As soon as he woke up, I borrowed a "Big Brother" t-shirt from my good friend Ashley and headed over to Alex's office (which is thankfully right around the corner!). I told him we were outside so he could meet us. Jacob was walking to the door as he was standing there waiting for a hug. He said, "oh, what a handsome boy!" The whole time I have this HUGE smile on my face waiting for him to catch on. Jacob got to him (well, walked right past him) and he still didn't get it. I said, "did you see his shirt?" He said, "Yea, it's cute." I said, "what does it say?" He replied, "Big Broth..Big Brother?!" Really? What?" He ran to me and hugged me for ever. We both looked at each other with tears in our eyes and he said he was so happy. He told me he never wanted to forget this moment.

After a minute we went into his office so he could tell Bryan and Carter. They were pretty happy for us. I left Jacob with Daddy and I went to the doctor to have my blood checked. My HCG was only 11.8!! So so so early. With Jacob it was 28 when I went in a 10 dpo. I thought I was 12 dpo, but I could be wrong. My progesterone was really good at 18.8. I go back tomorrow morning to have it checked again. I'm praying the numbers are where they should be.

The minute I found out I was pregnant I thought instantly that it was a little girl. Then last night, during bath time, Alex said he was 95.5% sure it was a little girl. I don't know what makes us think this way, but it's weird. I sure hope we are right. I would love to have a sweet little girl. A little boy would be just as great though! I know Jacob would MUCH rather have a brother. I honestly don't care as long as he/she is healthy!

I'm not too sure when I'm due yet. I can't really go off of my period since I ovulated WAY late (around day 21). So it's somewhere between October 28th and November 2nd. We shall see! We are both so excited. I'm hoping and praying for a healthy 9 months.

Jacob is doing GREAT. He had tubes put in his ears last month and is doing so much better. He's eating more. Talking more. He's happier. Now if we could get his allergies under control we would be perfect. More on him in another post...he's waking up and it's breakfast time!

Trying for Baby Number TWO!

Well, here we are again. Trying to get pregnant. HA! We are so ready for Jacob to have a brother or sister. We decided we would start trying this month and I'm currently in the "two week wait." It's a lot more fun this time around. For one, we decided to try it without clomid the first month. I don't think I'm ovulating (taking tests for the last 4-5 months and never got a surge). For two, there is NO pressure! I felt like with Jacob, I HAD to get pregnant. It was all I could think about! If I could go back and talk to myself, I would say CALM DOWN!

Sooooo...we shall see what happens! I've already tested a few times. hahahahaha. WAYYYYYY to early. I'm such a nut.

Where is time going?

I honestly can't believe that Jacob is almost 18 months old. I'm shocked. I feel like I closed my eyes and he grew up. I'm looking at old pictures from last year and can't believe my little itty baby is GONE! I have to admit though, this age is SO much fun! Christmas is so much different this year than it was last year. We did our Christmas to him this morning since we are leaving for California on Tuesday. He didn't completely understand the concept of opening the presents (he still enjoyed ripping the paper once I showed him how), but boy did he love playing with the toys. I couldn't get them out of the packaging fast enough for him! We only got him a few small things since we did a big trip to Dallas to see Yo Gabba Gabba Live just a few weeks ago. More on that later...

He is OBSESSED with Toy Story right now. We made the mistake of watching all three of them with him one weekend when we were ALL sick and that started the obsession. It's adorable, don't get me wrong, but man, I'm getting a little sick of watching them. I try and only let him watch one of the movies once a day, if that, but on the weekends, I let him watch a few. Like today, we watching one and three. He will seriously sit through the ENTIRE movie. It's bizarre. So, for his gifts, I picked out a few Toy Story things. A coloring book, a book with sounds, and two Buzz Lightyear action figure things. One is a little space rocket that you shake and it moves across the floor. Too cute. A few other small things here and there, but that was the jist of it. Not to mention, he is going to be SPOILED as soon as we get back home. He has enough toys as it is. Our house is seriously getting taken over!

We went to Dallas with our good friends and neighbors, Ashley, Ryan and Ryder! Ryder is 2 days older than Jacob. They are best buds. It's adorable!! We were there from December 3-5. It was a blast! We ate at yummy places and had a great time getting out of town. The boys LOVED Yo Gabba Gabba. That was Jacob's favorite show before he discovered Toy Story. He still likes it, but not nearly as much as Toy Story. He will tell me "no no no" when I put on anything else. It's really adorable. I'm sure I won't think that when he's 16. We went to the Shrek Ice Show at the Gaylord Texan. That resort is AMAZING! The ice show was pretty neat, but a little too old for the boys to really understand. It was still a really neat experience. We kinda rushed through it a little because it was 2 degrees!! Thankfully we were all really well bundled up. Jacob was a tad miserable in all the layers, but he didn't really fuss at all. He really didn't know what to make of all of it actually. Afterwards, we ate at this really old restaurant called the Mystery Time Machine Restaurant. It was hilarious. All the wait staff was dressed up in costumes. Our waiter was Mr. Incredible. Pretty funny. The boys seemed to really love it though. Jacob slept like a dream at the hotel. He's an amazing sleeper. We are really really blessed. You give him his blankies and his paci and he is good to go! I love it!

We went to see the specialist that we saw last year around this time in Lubbock for his stomach issues. We started to worry because he wasn't gaining weight and he wasn't eating much. I went to a new pediatrician here in town that diagnosed him with Eosinophilic Esophagitis Colitis, which is a pretty horrible disease. Come to find out, the only way to diagnose that disease is to do a scope and biopsies, so we went ahead and finally did it. They wanted to do this last year to him, but we couldn't bare it. It was horrible. We had to hold him down in the operating room while they held the gas mask to his little face. All I could hear was his horrible screams coming out of the mask. It took all I had to be strong for him while I was in there. As soon as I left that room I lost it. Thankfully it was only a 15 minutes procedure. He woke up about 30 minutes later and was miserable. They had to go into his colon and to do so, they had to puff air in their. He was in so much pain from the gas. He just screamed and screamed. He wanted all the cords off of him and was pretty much freaking out the entire time until we were able to leave. Once we were out of the hospital, he was GREAT! We went back to the hotel and he was good to go. He acted like nothing even happened, which was amazing! I think it was harder on Alex and I that it was on him. Either way, I NEVER want to do that again. The results came back while we were in Dallas. He did NOT have that horrible disease and he has no clue what's making his stomach the way it is. The scope pictures showed lots of inflammation and it looked really beat up. So, he put him on a drug called Carafate which is supposed to help heal his stomach. We think it might be helping because he eats more and seems to be happier. I still think he has an issue with milk, which we need to figure out. He's was on soy milk. Then goat milk. And NOW...he's on coconut milk or almond milk. ha! Poor kid.

He's getting smarter by the minute. He really starting to talk more. It's amazing! He said "Ryder" the other day as we were getting out of the car and he saw his friend. I love him to pieces.

I need to post more. I saw that all too often...

We are trying for baby number 2. We haven't really been too serious about it just yet. I've been having pretty normal periods for the last 7 months or so, so I was hoping that my body was back to normal. I don't think I'm ovulating though. Who knows? I took ovulation tests for a few months and never got a positive, but then the one month I didn't test I think I ovulated! ha!! We are going to possibly go back on clomid next month if I don't ovulate again this month. Of COURSE my period is late! I tested and tested and am not pregnant. I didn't really think I was, but it's bizarre that my body decided to act up when I need it to work.

We shall see what happens! Hopefully we will get pregnant in the next few months! I'm ready to have another one. I know it's going to be very hard, but we know we want more. Why not just get it out of the way??

A few pics!

He's 14 months!

Ok. Seriously. Where has the time gone? My little guy is 14 months old already.  He's a wild man at that too. I have SO much to catch up on. I am kicking myself for not keeping this up to date.  I miss having the memories to look back on. I've been SO busy and haven't had much time. I've been trying to pick up photography and have spent most of my free time on that. Honestly though, I'm so dang exhausted at the end of the day I end up laying in bed with the husband watching Rescue Me or The Fringe until about 11 and then we both pass out. hahaha. We enjoy it though. I need to make time for my blog though. Not that anyone reads it, but for my own memories! I want to look back and be able to remember EVERYTHING because it's FLYING by. It's nuts.

I need to do a birthday post. It needs it's own post.

Jacob just started Mother's Day Out last Wednesday at Trinity. He only goes once a week for now. I bawled my eyes out after I dropped him off. I was a wreck. What a wuss, right? I just hated being away from him, but it was actually really nice to get a few things around the house done. I cleaned the entire time after I got back from the gym. Funny thing is, I enjoyed it. I cranked up the stereo and jammed out while I scrubbed everything from top to bottom. I missed him dearly by the time 3 came around!

He was in an amazing mood the morning we dropped him off, but when I picked him up they told me he was really quiet and didn't eat anything. I wasn't worried because that is so him. He was cutting his fourth molar on the bottom left (hence the no eating), and I just figured he was getting used to his new environment. We went straight over to our friend Ashley and Ryder's house (Ryder is 2 days older) and he was acting really needy and whiny. Again, I just figured he missed me. He passed out at 6pm that night. We just figured he was exhausted from his long day. We were wrong. He had his morning bottle and about 2 seconds after he was done...he became the exorcist. He threw up the ENTIRE bottle EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was insane. He's never done that before. I cleaned us off and put him in the bath. He couldn't even sit up straight. He was so weak. It was heart wrenching. He just laid in bed with us all morning. He didn't move. It was so unlike him. I finally got him in to the doctor and of course by the time we got called in he was acting totally fine. hahahahaha. We had one more major throw up the next night, but for the most part, he was ok. It was just a tummy bug which only lasted about 48 hours. Thank GOD! My poor baby boy. I hate when he's sick.

Yesterday when I picked him up, a little boy had pink eye. Joy. He woke up this morning with a runny nose. Yay. I'm praying he doesn't get. He needs a break. He had a blast yesterday though. He ate almost all of his lunch they said and had the best time out on the courtyard playing with the other kids. That makes me so happy. This is so good for him (and me).

He's now sitting in my lap playing on my iPad, so I need to make this quick.

More later!!

My love...

Wow...

It's  been a really really long time since I wrote a post. Needless to say, I've been busy, but I can't really use that as an excuse. I just haven't felt like blogging to be honest. It takes time and I always find myself being lazy when it comes to being on the computer. I'm always on Facebook, or playing with photo sites. I'm working on my picture taking skills.

Jacob is getting so big. I can't believe in just a few short months he will be a year old. I find myself getting really sad when I think about how fast it has gone, but then again, I realize how excited I am to watch him grow! It's amazing. He grows a little more each day.

He's learning to walk. He's 9 1/2 months. I'm thinking he will be walking in about a month or so. He's taken a few steps here and there, but crawling is much faster, so he prefers that. He still lets me feed him his bottles, which I adore. He actually prefers that I feed him. Lazy little one we have there. He knows how to hold his bottle, he would just rather have me do it, which I honestly don't mind, AT ALL.

We have new friends which is SO amazing. We were getting really lonely for awhile there. Our neighbors introduced us to Ashley and Ryder. Ryder is TWO days older than Jacob which is AMAZING! They like hanging out together and Ashley is the sweetest person I've ever met, so it's a bonus. We do something with them almost everyday. It's so nice to get out of the house. We were getting a little bored before we met them because we really didn't know any other stay at home mommies with babies around his age. Of course, I have Leslie! BUT, Marlie and Holt were sick for awhile, so we haven't seen them since February!! We can't wait to see them next week. We really miss them.

We started swim lessons this month. He wasn't too sure about it at first. He clung to me and rested his head on my shoulder the entire time. I'm not going to lie, I love when he does that, but I have to push him to do things and not keep him all to myself (darn it). He's finally starting to open up more and enjoy it. We plan on going for awhile. Daddy will be coming to visit this week to take pictures and to see how cute he is in the pool with all of his friends. Ryder, Lily, Canon and Deacon (all our friends) are in the same class.

He has two teeth now. His bottom teeth. Poor thing had a hard time with them. I couldn't figure out why he was so fussy for awhile. He would just scream. I finally felt his gums and felt them poking up and it all made sense. Poor thing. I didn't know what the heck was going on! No other teeth just yet and I'm just fine with them taking their time. If the other teeth are anything like the first two, I'm not looking forward to it.

We had to sleep train him a few weeks ago. Again. After teething, illnesses, and traveling, we started some really bad habits. He was waking up around 11 or midnight and I was bringing him into bed with me in the guest bedroom. While I loved sleeping next to him, it just wasn't safe anymore. Not to mention, we both weren't sleeping really well. I was worried about him falling off the bed (even with tons of pillows lining the edge) and he's a WILD sleeper! He's all over the place. So, we had to let him cry one night. It took 30 minutes, and then the next night he did about 15 minutes and after that....he turned into a sleeping angel! He's been sleeping 11-12 hours a night straight with the exception of one or two nights. It's pure heaven being able to sleep all night in my bed. I miss him dearly in the morning though and find myself staring at the monitor wishing him to wake up.

He's just getting over a virus which caused a horrible rash all over his body. He had a small fever for two days and the rash is just now going away after a week. Poor baby. The rash didn't seem to bother him too much, but it looked horrible.

We went to see the Easter Bunny this past week and he LOVED him!!! He had the biggest smile on his face the entire time. We got a really cute picture and ordered greeting cards and mailed them to the family. I'm so excited for tomorrow morning because we got him an amazing easter basket. I got him his favorite snacks, a toy phone, balls, a new outfit, new paci's, a toy truck, plastic eggs, a few bath toys and I think that's it? I can't wait for him to see it! We plan on going to the park tomorrow to hang out and get a few pictures at the Duck Pond. We miss our family on the holidays, so it will be nice to get out and think of something else.

We just moved him into 12 month sleepers! Ah! I can't believe it. He's still in size three diapers (Earth's Best). He still has a problem with food. I think it's his reflux, which is a WHOLE other blog post. I have to cut this short because we are going to relax in bed and watch a movie (with a nice glass of wine) while the little prince sleeps.

I plan to update more often. I don't want to forget any of this. Pictures tomorrow!

This is hard.

I never really knew how hard being a mom would be. No one every really warned me on that part. It wouldn't change anything, of course. I still love every single second of it, but it's hard. No one can really prepare you for the things you will go through. Sleep runs my life.

He is having a difficult time sleeping again. His naps are back to being bad. He will only sleep 30-40 minutes. And nighttime is back to being horrific again. He can't seem to put himself to sleep anymore and I don't get it. It has to be something I did. He can't go to sleep without someone (me) rocking or holding him. We've tried letting him cry, but he doesn't let up. He just gets louder and louder and I can't take it. It's so mean. I only last 15 minutes. I can't believe people let their children cry for hours. I don't have the heart. He doesn't understand. He doesn't know why he can't sleep. But how long do I do this? I know he would be happier if he could sleep better. Does he hurt? Is he teething? Gas? It's so hard to know what's going on. That's the main reason I won't let him cry. What if he NEEDS me?

Besides the sleep issues we have, he's such an amazing little boy. He makes my heart melt. I can't believe we got so lucky with such an amazing baby. He's so happy all the time. I kiss him to death all the time.

He's very ticklish! He has certain spots that are worse, like under his armpits, his legs right under his butt and his back. It's adorable to hear his little laugh and squeal. I can't believe he's almost 7 months old. Where is time going?

Sleep

Well, we didn't have to do the sleep training. He pretty much figured it out on his own. We stopped rushing in there the minute he made a peep, which I think is the biggest factor. We also stopped swaddling him last Friday and on Monday, he slept 10 1/2 hours! The next night he slept 11 1/2 hours. We pretty much had a great week. He stopped eating a lot during the day, so he woke up the last two days around 2am for a bottle and with a little struggle going back down he slept in until 8am. It's so nice. I feel like a new woman! He's also happier. It makes being his mommy that much better.

Yay for sleep!

Sleep training...

Ugh. I don't want to do it, but I think it needs to be done. He's waking up every hour at night needing someone to hold him and put him back to sleep. We hold him, put the paci back in, and then put him down and he's good. An hour later, we do it all over again. He needs to learn how to put himself to sleep and I'm not looking forward to it.

We had his six month appointment today. He weighs 17lbs, 8oz. That's a whole pound in one week, but I think it's because he had a wet diaper and he just ate 4oz right before we got there. That puts him in the 50th percentile. He is 27 1/2 inches long which puts him in the 80th percentile! And his head is 17 inches in the 50th percentile. He's growing great. His ear is better which is nice. She said he's working on his lower teeth which I already knew, but it could still take awhile for them to pop out. I hope it happens soon because I can tell they are really bothering him.

We told her about the sleep issues and she thinks he's playing us. Or using us rather. I totally agree. I know we created a monster. I knew that, but yet, I didn't do anything about it. I enjoy rocking him to sleep, but now we can't do that because it's really making things difficult. Nighttime is no fun here. Hearing him cry and wake up every hour is really wearing me thin. It takes all the fun out of being a mommy. He needs to learn how to sleep on his own.

We plan to let him cry, but I plan on checking on him. She suggested that I don't go in there, but I can't. I can't just let him think I've left him. I want him to know that I'm there. I won't pick him up and I won't make eye contact, but I plan on at least letting him know that mommy is there. Daddy can help too. I think we may start tonight, which I'm terrified about. Alex goes out of town tomorrow, so I will be left alone for the next two nights to attempt it alone. Ah! I don't know if I can do that. It may have to wait until he gets home.